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6/4/2008 2:03:36 PM
My 9 to 5
My 9-5: Finding the Courage to Quit
In 2001, while I was a web developer, I started getting little panic attacks at night - where was I in life?, is this what I really wanna do with it?, etc.
So, I handed in my notice.
Did I know what I wanted to do with my life? No.
So I went and got myself a council job ‘til I could figure it out.
About a year into it, my wings started to itch again - the panic attacks, the restlessness came back - only stronger this time. I'd never really been a desk-job person - being told what shifts to work and how much I deserved to be paid. Around the same time, I got into poetry and really got hooked on it - it couldn't have come at a better time - very quickly, writing became my way of coping in an environment where I felt I didn't belong.
In a relatively short space of time, I got a little taste running poetry workshops & sharing my work (AND getting paid for some of them too) - it gave me a glimpse into what my life could be like - and I liked that life.
Though writing really helped, I was finding it increasingly hard to go into work each day - dying a little every time I went in. I was going insane. It reached a point where I felt. I had no choice I had to save myself.
And that's when I decided that enough was enough.
I started off by cutting back my hours to part-time, then quitting a year later - in Sept '04.
My colleagues couldn't believe I was leaving and admired what I was doing, but I wished that it would inspire them to consider doing the same. I felt the sort of admiration they gave me was like 'we can't ever do what you're doing'. And that saddened me.
I now make most of my living through running creativity workshops and reading/performing my written work. I say 'most' because for a couple of months out of every year, work cyclically dries up and I have to take on temporary agency work to supplement my income.
It's been extremely challenging and incredibly frustrating forging my own way, sometimes excruciatingly so, but I really don't regret leaving corporate Britain behind - it feels like a different world to me now - far far far away. It was never really me, a 9-5, but I did it 'cos, hey!, 'it's the responsible thing to do' as they say (but what about the responsibility to myself?).
If you're thinking of going for it, whatever your dream may be, go for it, take baby steps - don't let anyone (not even yourself) tell you you can't do it. You might hear this said a gazillion amount of times, but I'm gonna say it again: if it doesn't work out, then at least you know you've tried.
But don't give up too soon.
Not trying out at least one dream in your lifetime equals regret equals you might never forgive yourself equals you might end up being one of those bitter spirits that come back to haunt people really bad (hey, I'm entitled to my own theories! - Einstein had his!). Point is, there's a time for practicality ...and there's a time when you have to let your soul stretch out its legs and do its thing. I'm still working on that myself!
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